Noah's Ark at Fun Bible Stories

The Fun Bible Story of
NOAH'S ARK

The Standard Noah For Kids
(The version we tell children)
noah with the animals he is about to sacrifice

Everyone in the world was bad except Noah and his family.
God decides to destroy the world with a flood, except for Noah and his family.
Noah builds an ark and takes one pair of each species onto the ark
It rains for 40 days and 40 nights, then after a while, the ark comes to rest on Mt. Ararat. Noah sends out a dove several times and eventually it comes back with an olive branch in its mouth.
God places a rainbow in the sky to remind himself not to destroy mankind.

COMMENTARY
Fun Bible Stories recommends you either read the narrative that begins on the right hand column of this page, or better, read Genesis chapters 6 - 9 in any version of the Bible.

This is a pretty good myth and echoes a common legend of the era popular in the eastern Mediterranean and Mesoptamia. It is similar to a segment of the Babylonian epic of Gilgamesh, circa 2700 BC. Like Hercules and Jesus, Gilgamesh was half human and half divine, with the predictable problems that seem to arise with the divine dad scenario. Big shoes to fill, kid never feels he's the man his father was, etc. etc. In addition to the Bronze Age flood myth, an interlude directly following the flood story echo allegories that punctuate the real tensions between farmers and hunters (just ask Abel) in the Bronze Age (read Genesis 9 v. 18-27 or see the story synopsis in the right hand column). The Palestinians of the 21st Century continue to live with the residue of 3000 year old propaganda.

But unlike the Greek myths we are fond of telling out kids, modern Christians insist on telling this and other tales to children as if they were true. You see Johnny, Zeus and Apollo were myths told by the pagan Greeks who hadn't found out about God yet. These are just tales the ancients made up to help explain the world around them. On the other hand, building a 450 foot boat and filling it with animals prior to a deluge that covers the entire planet - that's the real deal because it's in the Bible. It is virtually never mentioned that Greek, Egyptian and Mesopotamian mythology was evolving during the same historic period in the same geographic area as the Old Testament myths, with extensive borrowing between the cultures.

< See ancient map of the Eastern Mediterrean map >

If you were to ask them, most moderate Christians would tell you they don't believe the Noah / Flood story is literally true. (The fact that Bible literalists believe the story is true is the source of no end of grim amusement in the halls of the Fun Bible Stories editorial building.) It will also turn out than few have read this tale as an adult. As you will see in the right column, it doesn't take long for any reasoning adult to recognize this as a myth, and a contradictory poorly edited one at that. Nevertheless, moderate hedgers, who remain terrified of actually saying the Bible is wrong, will come up with observations such as "Well, there is some archeological support that there was a major flood at around the time." Any lame explanation appears to be preferable to making a decision to actually investigate the independent scholarship on the subject.

Of course there were major floods during the early era of agriculture: the rhythm of life in Mesopotamia and Egypt depending on the seasonal inundations of the great rivers. How we got from there to the conclusion that the entire Earth was flooded 15 cubits above the highest mountain is tough to figure*.

And yet, at the age casual Sunday school children are exposed to it, the Noah sequence is taught as real, giving the kids one more thing to unlearn along with Santa and the Easter Bunny. Is it possible to ease out of this spiral by telling kids this is a compelling ancience legend derived from scriptures that the Christians stole from the Jews, who stole it from the Greeks? Didn't think so.

The Us vs. Them Dynamic: Although Noah wasn't actually Jewish**, his story is the earliest instance in which the reader is drawn into a clear Us vs. Them scenario. This story is leveraged in the Old Testament to justify the Holy Land grab and in the New Testament to establish the moral superiority of Christians vs everyone else.

Take a break and consider the simple fact that Noah was not Jewish, but Jesus was.

* For a complete list of other reasons why the flood story in the Bible can't be literally true, check out this site.

** Casual Jewishness begins with Abraham, about fourteen generations after Noah, but doesn't begin technically until his grandson Jacob changes his name to Israel. Question: when did the Isrealites become the Israelis?

The Noah Story in the Bible* (Genesis 6 - 9)
(This is the version actually in the Bible -
grab your nearest copy and open to Genesis Chapter 6).

This particular myth, which echoes Sumerian and Greek legends, is a contentious topic due to Creationist (and Intelligent Designers) insistence that the Bible is literally true, and should be taught as science in public schools. This is how we end up with phenomenon such as the Creation Museum in Kentucky, which features dinosaurs on the Ark. Please be concerned that this attraction was visited by over 250,000 people, most of whom believe the Earth is 6000 years old.

More on that elsewhere.

Here at Fun Bible Stories, we keep the accent on FUN, and encourage you to read the flood chronicle yourself. Even a non-critical read of the story in any mainstream translation of the Bible will raise the eyebrows of most adults. If you have an idea why Noah sacrifices every animal at the end of the trip, please contact us at Fun Bible Stories headquarters.

FUN FACTS

Because this myth was written by multiple authors, it consists of a series of parallel but often contradictory versions of the same events.
In one part of the flood story, Noah takes seven of each kind of animal. In another, he takes a single pair of each animal.
When Noah gets off the Ark, he takes one of every clean animal and one of every clean bird and offers burnt offerings on the altar. What???!!!!
In the real Bible account, it is a key point that the smoke from the burning animals is what pleases Jahweh, and causes him to vow never to destroy mankind again.
Just for the record, Noah wasn't even Jewish. Jews (the Israelites) hadn't been invented yet. However, in Genesis 9, we discover that the Israelites are descended from Noah's good son, Shem, the great great great great great grandfather of Abraham. However, Ham turns out to be the forebear of all the peoples antithetical to the Isrealites (right up to now). A nasty, ambiguous story is told about Ham to end the story (more below).

The Flood Story as it appears in the Bible:

GENESIS 6: MEET THE NIPHILIM
The Noah narrative begins with a mythology bit that is left out in most modern Sunday School tellings, probably because it incorporates unapproved supernatural beings - the Niphilm or giants. Read the opening paragraph and judge for yourself.

When people began to multiply on the face of the ground, and daughters were born to them, the sons of God saw that they were fair; and they took wives for themselves of all that they chose. Then the Lord said, ‘My spirit shall not abide* in mortals for ever, for they are flesh; their days shall be one hundred and twenty years.’ The Nephilim were on the earth in those days—and also afterwards—when the sons of God went in to the daughters of humans, who bore children to them. These were the heroes that were of old, warriors of renown.

Is there not a clear distinction drawn here between the Sons of God and humans?

More on the Niphilim here.

Meanwhile, Jahweh has had it with humankind only 14 generations after creating the world. He advises Noah, who is five hundred years old and the father of three strapping boys, that he is going to destroy the earth with a flood. In fact, he is sorry he made humans, animals and creeping thing. He advised Noah to build and ark and provides specific details as to dimensions and materials. This is the first indication we have that Jahweh is a control freak. Later, this compulsion is shown to have become more severe, as he spends weeks explaining to Moses how to built a tent.

The contradictions begin here, when God says he will destroy all living things, then instructs Noah to bring two of every living thing into the ark. "And of every living thing, of all flesh, you shall bring two of every kind into the ark, to keep them alive with you; they shall be male and female. Of the birds according to their kinds, and of the animals according to their kinds, of every creeping thing of the ground according to its kind, two of every kind shall come in to you, to keep them alive."

GENESIS 7: CHANGING THE INSTRUCTIONS:
God then changes the number of animals, instructing Noah to take everyone into the ark, including seven pair of all clean animals, and a pair of unclean animals, and seven pairs of birds. Although Jahweh has completely changed the arithmetic, Noah apparently choses to ignore Him. Because in verse six, we are told "of animals that are clean, and of animals that are not clean and of birds and of everything that creeps on the ground, two and two, male and female, went into the ark with Noah as God had commanded Noah.

As we continue, note that verses 11 - 16 are a repetition of the previous segment. This and other bizarre narrative glitches are due to the fact that this story (and many Bible stories) are separate versions woven together by an incompetent later editor. "Old Testament" scholars have identified these two Genesis sources as J and P, otherwise called the "Yahwist" and the "Priestly" sources. This scholarship is rather well accepted, with some exceptions among those who believe God wrote the Bible in His spare time and that it is literally true. But those same people also built science museums in Kentucky featuring exhibits with dinosaurs on the ark. There were no dinosaurs on the ark, OK?

Who Wrote the Bible by Richard Friedman is highly recommended if you are interested in this subject.

Later in Chapter 7, we read that the source of all the water was the fountains of the great deep and the windows of the heavens, echoing a cosmology also found in the creation myth earlier in Genesis.

GENESIS 8: SACRIFICING EVERY CLEAN ANIMAL The parallel but conflicting accounts continue, with confusing accounts given for how long the Ark was afloat and how long it took the land to dry out. But these details are not important.

noah with the animals he is about to sacrifice

The most alarming event in the entire flood story takes place when the Noah family leaves the Ark, to wit: Then Noah built an altar to the Lord, and took of every clean animal and of every clean bird, and offered burnt offerings on the altar. (Genesis 8:20) And when the Lord smelled the pleasing odor, the Lord said in his heart, "I will never again curse the ground again because of humankind, for the inclination of the human heart is evil from youth; nor will I ever again destroy every living creature as I have done."

This is the deity who grew up to be the main God of the Western world, Ladies and Gentlemen. He is motivated to making major decisions about his creation based on the smell of burning flesh. If this guy has been in charge of the planet, it explains a few thing.

There is, of course, the problem with the word "every". Where did we get new animals. And were dinosaurs clean or dirty. You must look to your heart for the answers, Grasshopper.

GENESIS 9: HOW CANAANITES BECAME SECOND CLASS CITIZENS
Keeping in mind that much of the "Old Testament" was written by priests working for the goverment, the following passage is not particularly subtle in its explanation of why the Canaanites (the people whose land the wandering Israelites conquered and occupied) are of descended from an immoral guy. Note that the writer takes every possible opportunity to point out that Ham is the father of Canaan.

And the sons of Noah, that went forth of the ark, were Shem, and Ham, and Japheth: and Ham is the father of Canaan. These are the three sons of Noah: and of them was the whole earth overspread. And Noah began to be an husbandman, and he planted a vineyard: And he drank of the wine, and was drunken; and he was uncovered within his tent. And Ham, the father of Canaan, saw the nakedness of his father, and told his two brethren without. And Shem and Japheth took a garment, and laid it upon both their shoulders, and went backward, and covered the nakedness of their father; and their faces were backward, and they saw not their father's nakedness. And Noah awoke from his wine, and knew what his younger son had done unto him. And he said, Cursed be Canaan; a servant of servants shall he be unto his brethren. And he said, Blessed be the LORD God of Shem; and Canaan shall be his servant. God shall enlarge Japheth, and he shall dwell in the tents of Shem; and Canaan shall be his servant.

This interlude resonates over the ages as a justification for ancient and modern Israel Estate practices (primarily: we own this land because God gave it to us). It is expanded up in Genesis 10 with a listing of all the peoples descended from Ham in addition to his son Canaan. Not surprisingly, the list includes all of the traditional enemies of the Jewish people: Egyptians, Babylonians, Amorites. The geneology also includes Cush, which is modern Ethopia, whose inhabits are of the Negroid race. How this came about is not explained.